Not So Perfect and Perfectly Okay With That

What do you envision when I ask you to define extreme?

What mental pictures do you see?

This is what I see

Businessman on the ledge 1996

Businessman on the ledge 1996

Extreme is defined in the dictionary as:

Exceeding the bounds of moderation

Extreme is not a word I would have used to describe me based on what I thought it meant. But when I stepped outside of my thoughts and looked a little closer, I realized I have lived my life in extremes.

Wife:  can’t be just be what I think makes me a good wife, it has to be what Eric, friends, family and society thinks that means.

Be Perfect


Mother: I have to be a granola cooking, homeschooling, perfect mother who never leaves her kids.

Be Perfect


Daughter: Don’t Disappoint

Be Perfect


Sister: Don’t Argue

Be Perfect


Friend: Never Say No

Be Perfect


Tell you I love you: Means I have to be willing to die for you or I really don’t love you

Love Perfectly


Do you see the running theme?


My thoughts were that I HAD to be perfect. In order to achieve this perfection meant that I had to live my life in varying degrees of extremes. It also meant that I had some crazy expectations of all the people I tried to share my perfection with. I had created hell with all of my definitions of perfection and caused a lot of pain for myself and others in the process.

I can love you and disagree with you.

I can be for you but not with you.

I can cook you a meal that isn’t organic.

I can love you and not kill myself in the process.

I can’t be perfect, no one is. 

What I can do is be me crazy, imperfect, glitter obsessed me.